


Can I keep you?

by NocturnalPzyko



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Fluff and Smut, M/M, Rare Pairings, Requited Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:48:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 20,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25983880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NocturnalPzyko/pseuds/NocturnalPzyko
Summary: If I say, I love you.I know you will run away.So instead of telling you those three words, I'd rather tell you these four words I know that will make you stay...After all four is greater than three...So...Can I keep You?
Relationships: Sakusa Kiyoomi & Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 10
Kudos: 26





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Yow! It's been a while 😆 Got busy with RL stuffs. I'll be updating real slow for this one cause I'm still editing all my drafts lol 😆 Anywayyy~ Have fun 👋

_"If anyone would be fine, then why can't it be me?"_

_Yamaguchi asked in a soft tone after he confronted me about my relationship with Kuroo-san._

_Aside from Kenma, he also saw us went out the same cubicle both in disheveled appearance but unlike Kuroo-san who couldn't hide his nervousness, I acted calmly as if nothing happened even after Yamaguchi confronted me._

_"Anyone but you."_

_I said and pushed him aside so I could go back to our team mates. We just ended our match with Nekoma and although Kuroo-san and I didn't go all the way, I feel like all my strength is being sucked up with our conversation._

_"I like you, Tsuki." Yamaguchi said that made me stop from leaving._

_Who would have thought that those three words will make my heart swayed a little?_

_"I don't see you that way. I'll forget that we have this kind of conversation." I lied and left without looking back._

Do I regret it not taking his hand even though I feel the same? A part of me say, yes. But my realistic side say, no. Why? Relationship is fragile. Even a pointless reason can break it without fail. Love is a four-letter word that can send you to heaven for a moment before it drags you to hell leaving you in a long-lasting pain.

Taking a risk like to engage in a fruitless relationship is pointless. We are bound to break up even if I take his hand because we're both men, so it's better not to have unnecessary memories. I'd rather hurt us both today than regret everything later. I'd rather bury this feeling I have for him so he could move on with his and find the right person for him. And when that happened, I'll be happy for him. I'll be the first one to congratulate him. 

I always thought that I am right. That the choice I made was correct. That someday, I can wish his happiness when he find the right person. But I was wrong.

_"I'm dating Yachi now."_

_Yamaguchi said out of the blue after watching MSBY and Schweiden's match. We're waiting in the corner for our friends since we're having a simple reunion and celebration for Hinata's debut match._

_I looked at him and I could tell that he is happy while gazing at the woman chatting happily with Kiyoko-senpai._

_I avoid his eyes before our gazes meet. My eyes will probably betray me. It's hard to breathe but I still tried to congratulate him._

_"That's good then. You finally find the right person for you to love." I said applauding myself for not letting my voice cracked even though I feel like there's I big lump in my throat while telling him those words._

_"Tsuki, I never did thought, even once that what I felt for you was a mistake."_

_I met his gaze and there I saw in his eyes that he's telling the truth._

_"I was in love with you for so long but now I can finally say that I don't have those excess feelings now. Thank you Tsuki. For treating me the same. You are really are the best friend I ever have." He said with a warm smile plastered on his face._

That time I didn't know how I answered him. What registered into my mind was the pain in my heart when I saw the happiness on their eyes when they announced that same night that they're dating.

I feel like I lost all my senses. No, rather say, my ability to feel happiness has left me and all that's left is unbearable pain. Pain brought by the big hole in my heart after my happiness left me. I realized that when I tried to bury my feelings for him, it accumulated a big portion of my heart for all the years that passed, while I keep on trying to deny the love I have for him.

That night all I want is to get laid and forget. Anyone will do that's why I made a move to Kuroo-san even though I know that he already has Kenma. I wanted to forget the pain but I end up inflicting pain to others as well.

_"Don't ruin someone else's relationship just because you're envious that they can be with the person they love. You're pathetic. I can't even hate you because you're so pitiful."_

That is what Kenma's message for me right after he left Kuroo-san's apartment after he caught us having sex.

_"I'm sorry for dragging you into this Kei. But you know what I realized? No matter what happened after this, I still want to be with Kenma. I hope you too. You'll realize that it's not fruitless afterall, if you will just be honest with yourself and have a little faith and courage to take the risk."_

That was what Kuroo-san said before we part that night. I feel like my heart became heavier as I wander in Tokyo lamenting on my wrong choices in life.

I randomly went in a Nichome in Shinjuku not because I'm looking for a companion but because I wanted to get drunk and just forget everything after. No one dared to talk to me after I keep ignoring everyone who tried to hit on me.

Or so I thought, not when I woke up alone and all sore in a hotel room full of hickies and bite marks all over my body, and on top of it all, I have no recollection of what happened next, after I called Akaashi-san, the only person who knew what I've been going through.

I checked my phone right away and saw that I really called Akaashi-san and talked to him for a couple of minutes. And as much as I wanted to remember what happened next, my head just hurts like hell that I chose to just forget everything since it looks like none of my things are gone missing.

I was about to leave the hotel room when I saw a note on the bedside table with nothing but these words.

_Can I keep you?_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If I say, I love you.  
> I know you will run away.  
> So instead of telling you those three words, I'd rather tell you these four words I know that will make you stay...  
> After all four is greater than three...  
> So...  
> Can I keep You?

The night feels melancholic while I watch my friends oozing with happiness with the person they choose to be with. As if they're reminding me, how miserable my life right now because of my choices.

I should have declined when Akaashi-san asked me to come and have a drink with them so I wouldn't end up with these volleyball idiots drowning in happiness with their partners.

Seeing them sweet is bad news already, but with Yamaguchi here make it worse. I'm still not ready to see him after he and Yachi announced that they're dating. I always give excuses that I'm busy with practice and university stuffs whenever they asked me out but this time, I feel like I got ambushed when they didn't tell me that Yamaguchi will come. The only thing that I'm thankful is that Yachi is not with him.

I glanced at the man beside Hinata who also looked happy to see our friend's blissful relationship even though it's fruitless.

It makes me wonder somehow, if I choose to take the risk that time and answered Yamaguchi's feelings with honesty, are we going to be as happy as Hinata and Atsumu-san right now? Or does our relationship will as strong as Akaashi-san and Bokuto-san?

_Stop it Kei. It's too late even if you regret your decisions. Just accept the fact that his heart won't get swayed by you again._

My grip tightened on the mug of beer that I'm holding when my mind slapped me with that reality.

It's too late but I still keep him in my heart. That's why it hurts. I couldn't let go the love that I chose not to have.

"Akaashi~ feed me too!" Bokuto-san's voice made me come back to my senses.

I feel embarrassed seeing him and Atsumu-san flirting with Akaashi-san and Hinata in front of us without even hiding the fact that they have something going on with them. I wouldn't be surprised if they act lovey-dovey in front of me and Yamaguchi since we already knew about them. But we're with Koganegawa who looked confused, Kyoutani who doesn't give a damn and Sakusa-san who looked disgusted as I am while watching them.

_I should've gone to my favorite bar instead of joining them._

I take a sip on my beer and sigh. I really regret coming here instead of meeting some of my old partners since we don't have practice tomorrow.

_Admit it Kei, you're just envious._

My mind said mockingly that made the alcohol I intake rush to my head instead of my stomach.

"Do you want to fuck?" Kyoutani choked on the beer he's chugging when I blurted that question without hesitation. Kyoutani knows that I swing both ways, but he doesn't give a damn about it. 

I don't think that the others heard me since we're both at the corner of the room and the place is kind of loud. Besides aside from the two set of couples flirting openly, Koganegawa, Yamaguchi and Sakusa-san are all eyes and ears to the lovebirds.

"Look, I know you're swinging both ways, but I don't." He whispered coldly but his face looks red with embarrassment.

I guess he's a virgin.

"But it feels good. You won't know, you might get addicted to it. Besides..." I leaned a little closer to him. "I'm more on the receiving side. So? Wanna try it with me? I'm kind of pent up you see after my last partner ran out of me when we got busted by his lover."

I said talking about Kuroo-san who's at the brink of break up right now, maybe, after Kozume-san saw us fucking on Kuroo-san's apartment in Tokyo. It wasn't my plan to break them up or get busted that night. I just wanted to get laid because of the stress and pain that accumulates in me. But if that's enough reason for them to break up, then what they had is just a mistake and not love.

I guess being unconcerned really made me a little similar to Kozume-san that's why Kuroo-san got interested with me.

It has been two weeks since then and I am trying to avoid thinking about that night where I got wasted for the first time because I ended up being fucked by someone I couldn't remember. 

Until now it's still a mystery who I end up having sex with. When I asked Akaashi-san about my phone call, he told me that he never answered any call from me that day because of Bokuto-san that is also as wasted as I am, I guess.

"No. I'm not interested. Ask somebody else. I don't do it with men. Besides, isn't it better to do it with the person you like?" Kyoutani said that made my mind stop from wandering. I choose to ignore his words because I heard the same thing from Kuroo-san before.

_You should stop this thing, Kei. And just be honest with yourself for once._

I remember he added that as parting words but I decided already that I won't do stupid things like they do. I'm already being stupid for keeping this feelings for Yamaguchi even though he already has Yachi. So doing more than that, will only make me dumber.

"Whether you do it with someone you like or do it with anyone, it's still the same. In the end, what matters is if you'll feel good or not." I said nonchalantly that made him shook his head.

I saw on my peripheral that Sakusa-san looked at me because of what I said. He pulled down his mask when our eyes met and leaned on me so he could whisper in my ear.

"You asked the wrong person. You should have asked me instead."

Yamaguchi's eyes met mine and even though he's sitting far away from me, it seems like he knew what I'm up to because of the way his brows creased. And again, I choose to ignore it. Like how I've been trying to ignore his feelings when I'm still the person he loved. How I've been trying to run away from fruitless relationship. How I've been trying to deny this feelings of mine specially now that he has already found his normal happiness.

I avoid Yamaguchi's eyes and met Sakusa-san's cold gaze while patiently waiting for my reply.

"I'll wait for you outside." I said before chugging in one go the beer I ordered and take my things.

"I need to go. I remember that there's something I have to do." I said that made Hinata and Bokuto-san looked disappointed.

Yamaguchi looked upset, maybe because I keep on ignoring his messages asking if we could talk tonight after this little get together of ours.

"I'll go with you. Atsumu and Kotaro are so cringey making me want to vomit. I don't know if they're trying to hide their relationship or not, cause it's not working." Sakusa-san said that made the two scowl and their partners blushed with embarrassment.

Yamaguchi tried to meet my gaze but I totally ignore him by getting my phone and wear my headphones. I don't want to get swayed by this heart of mine. Those four looked happy but I know that there will be a time that they will break apart just like how Kageyama and Hinata did.

The evening breeze gently blew in my face when I got out of the pub and somehow, the stuffy feeling that I have since earlier has vanished. 

"Where do you want to go?" I asked Sakusa-san when we're walking towards the place where there's a lot of motel to choose. I know he's sensitive that's why it's better to let him choose where to go.

"Your place or mine? Pick one. But if you choose my place, be prepared to sleep over." He asked that made me stop walking.

He looked at me blankly. "Why? You don't looked like the committed type and I hate having lots of partners to have sex with. So just be my exclusive fuck buddy."

My heart reacted violently when he casually said to be his exclusive fuck buddy. It sounded as if he wanted me to be exclusively his if only I didn't know that he's a germaphobe.

Smoke puffed in the air when I sighed.

"No commitment? Just fuck buddies?" I asked trying to confirm that we wanted the same thing.

"Just fuck buddies." He answered without changing his blank expression.

I nod and walked again leading the way to my apartment. Trying to forget the disappointment on Yamaguchi's face when I left with Sakusa-san. Trying to forget my regrets for the choices I made. And trying to bury these hateful feelings of mine that has been trying to eat me up whenever I see how happy my friends in their fruitless relationship.


	3. Chapter 3

_From: Yamaguchi_

_Tsuki are you free tonight?_

_Let's hangout! It's been a while since we had a drink._

_Yachi also wanted to see you. She wants to celebrate that last match she didn't manage to watch._

_Tsuki??_

_Let me know when you're free._

_And congrats on your upcoming graduation!_

I sighed and put my phone in silent after replying to Yamaguchi's messages. It's been a while since I hangout with them but just seeing his messages exhaust me already.

I managed to hide the fact that I'm hurting when I'm with them but I'm close to my limit now. Seeing them together breaks my heart every time we meet, and if I continue on doing this stupidity, my heart will one day turn into ashes for real.

I tried. God knows how much I tried to free myself from cupid's arrow that is binding my heart from moving on to the love that I almost had. But as I keep on struggling from it, the lead arrowhead only gets deeper and deeper, making the wound bigger giving me unbearable pain.

Whoever said that Cupid is God of love, they're damn wrong! Cupid is not a God but a sadistic, diapered asshole who shoots people for his own amusement!

I took a bath in irritation so I could calm my nerves. I mentally noted to buy some beer after since I don't have class or practice tomorrow. I'll drink my sorrows alone and curse that diapered asshole the whole night.

"Kei..." I gasped in surprise when a strong pair of arms embraced me from behind while taking a shower.

I didn't have to turn around to see who it is because there's only one person who has my spare key.

"Omi-san! Are you trying to kill me?" I grouchily asked that just made him laugh and make me face him after turning off the shower.

I can't help but to admire his chiseled body that I'm used to see every now and then. Even though I'm taller than him, he looked big because of his hot, perfect body. I can't count how many times I gasped in pleasure underneath his warm body that's been my only salvation during this hellish moments of mine.

I locked gazes with Kiyoomi-san and couldn't help but to feel aroused when I see lustful desires on his eyes that is normally dead with emotions.

We didn't need words to know what we have to do. What's written in our eyes are enough for our lips to meet passionately, both not wanting to get dominated by one another.

I have a rule to not share a kiss with my sex friends. Even with Kuroo-san, we never kissed even once. Because for me, a kiss is something I only wanted to do with the person I love. That is unfortunately will never ever happen. I thought that he was like that too, but I was wrong.

For a germaphobe like him, no one would ever thought that he's a kissing addict. He loves to kiss before, during and after sex that made me forget the rule that I made. Or rather say, I didn't get to tell him about it because I end up getting addicted to his kisses too, the first time we had sex.

I couldn't suppress my moans when his tongue seek for entrance searching for mine as his hands gently wanders on my body sending ecstatic feeling in me. I felt his fingers inside me looking for my sweet spot without a haste as if he wants to take it real slow and gentle as possible.

His sensual lips planted soft kisses on my neck and lowered his head so he could nibble on my lips. While his fingers keep still on gently preparing me for his throbing member that looks like it wanted to be inside me.

I'm used to our rough sex but there are moments that Kiyoomi-san is so gentle with me just like now and he always do it whenever I'm in a hellish mood. And I hate it.

_Because he's making my heart swayed a little._

"Do me... Rough..." I begged so he stopped sucking my nipples and turn me around so he could enter.

I'm expecting that he will thrust inside me roughly but to my frustration, he slips in his throbing member gently and slowly move.

"I hate... You... Hmmp... Aah..." I cried in pleasure and frustration but he just chuckled and bite my shoulders like what he usually do, marking my body as if I'm his.

"Admit it Kei, you love to do it with me." He whispered in my ear before thrusting inside me roughly this time that made me gasped in pain and pleasure when he hits my sweet spot.

"Kiyoomi...haaaah!" I couldn't help but tear up because of how good it feels and the embarrassment that accompanies it.

Kiyoomi-san bend to kiss me as he keeps on ramming inside while his hand gently stroke my hard dick oozing with cum until I feel the hot liquid he shoots inside me. He made a few thrust before pulling out and made me face him, lending me his wide shoulders to lean on while he cleaned my insides.

Unlike my other partners in bed, whenever we do it raw, he always clean me up whether I could get up in bed or not. That's why I got used to it and to be honest it scares me because we're just sex friends. And the way he acts is too far from the normal sex friends I had before.

_You're scared because he can make your heart swayed just like with Yamaguchi_.

"Can you stand alone?" I just nod and pulled away from his embrace while trying to drive away the unnecessary thoughts in my head.

There's no way that I'll end up falling for this perverted germaphobe. I admit my heart flutters on whatever he does for me but I won't fall in love with him. Yamaguchi is enough to be my mistake. I don't want another heartbreak because whatever happened, I will never ever engage in a fruitless relationship.

"Kei." Kiyoomi's voice made me come back to my senses when he called my name.

"What?"

I turned to look at him just to be ambushed with his soft lips and before I could even react he quickly pulled away as if nothing happened with a sweet smile on his face that no one ever sees before, I guess.

"I bought your favorite strawberry cake. Let's eat it while watching a movie later." He said before he went out of the bathroom leaving me in awe as my heart beats in unusual way.

_Dear heart, you won't fall for him right?_


	4. Chapter 4

"Do you have plans to go somewhere before I came?" Kiyoomi-san asked without taking his eyes off of the movie we're watching.

He's currently watching Casper the friendly ghost, laying sideways on my bed as if he owns it, while I'm sitting on the floor eating the strawberry cake that he bought. I guess his sensitivity attacks again.

"Plans?" I asked. 

Then I remembered texting Yamaguchi that I'll meet them today but totally forget about it because of him. I was about to take my phone beside him to message Yamaguchi and cancel our plans when Kiyoomi-san looked at me with displeased.

_Damn him and his rules._

We both made rules to follow or rather say, he made lots of rules for me to follow while we're sex friends, and one of it is to not use phone while we're together, his reason? Just because it's annoying. As for me, I only have one rule, if I want to end this, we will end this.

"I need to cancel my plans tonight. Mind if I message my friend?" He just nod a little and give me my phone but when I tried to take it from him, he pulled it back so I end up on top of him.

"Damn it! Be a little bit gentle, will you!?" I hissed that just made him laugh.

As much as I want to feel annoyed, I can't. The Kiyoomi Sakusa that I am with right now, looks like he came from a parallel universe. I never once heard or saw him laugh or even smile to other people that somehow made me hesitate to do this kind of thing with him at first. But it seems that, he's totally different outside the court.

Aside from being a perverted germaphobe who loves to put mark bites and hickies, he does act childish at times and do silly things like what he did just now. He only has his mask on outside but when he's in his or my place, he takes it off. That's why I got used to his bare face little by little. Though this personality switch of his, I still find it hard to get used to.

"Now you want me to be gentle, but earlier you want it rough." He teased that made me blushed.

I push him away out of embarrassment but he just giggled and moved a little so I can lay down beside him. My bed is not too small for two people but I feel stuffy. I don't know why my heart is acting like crazy today but I still tried to act calm. 

_Don't get confused! This is still normal right?_

Kiyoomi-san embraced me and rested his chin on my shoulders when I starts typing a message for Yamaguchi. He then starts to snuggle his nose to my hair like I'm sort of a pet for him. And I find it amusing.

Imagine this hot guy from MSBY black jackals who hates germs and crowds, comfortably embracing a firm guy taller than him and snuggling like I'm sort of a cuddly stuff toy.

_Damn it! He's so cute._

As much as I wanted to focus on composing my message, I couldn't help myself to wander how come this known-germaphobe guy loves to cuddle? A playful smile voluntarily plastered on my lips while typing my message.

_Seriously? This guy can't be called a germaphobe if he loves cuddling this much. Well he's sort of cute like this._

"Kei, is that text really for your friend? Cause I can tell that you're talking about me." Kiyoomi-san broke the silence between us that made my fingers stopped from typing what I've been babbling in my mind.

He took my phone in my hand and before I could even react, he's already on top of me, with a wide grin on his face.

"So you think that I'm cute, huh?" He said that made me blushed with embarrassment.

"S-shut up!" I hissed while trying to cover my face with my hands. "Fuck! It's your fault for acting so cute!" 

Kiyoomi-san laughed and remove my hands on my face before gently plants soft wet kisses on my lips. I kissed him back but he pulled away before our kiss deepens.

"You're off tomorrow right?" He whispered softly without moving on top of me.

I nod.

He smiled. "Then let's go to the theme park with Atsumu and Kotaro. Akaashi and Shoyo will be there too of course. They said it's not crowded."

My brows creased for a second before I burst out laughing because of his ridiculousness. He got up and sit on the edge of my bed while looking at me without any idea why I am laughing.

"I didn't know you're easy to fool. If it's a theme park, of course it's going to be crowded since tomorrow is also the weekend." I chuckled but he remained silent and just gaze at me fondly.

"So you can laugh...genuinely." He murmured that made me stop laughing for a second but ends up laughing some more because he doesn't really looked like the type to be easily fooled specially by those volleyball idiot couples.

It's been a while since I met someone as ridiculous as those friends of mine. I guess these monsters have similarities outside being volleyball idiots. Ushijima-san is also one of them after I read their interview.

"Hey Kei..." I hold out my laughter when he called my name with seriousness.

"Hmm?" I looked at him, biting my lips to stop myself from laughing.

"You're way more beautiful when you laugh than when you cry." He murmured while wiping the tears in my eyes because of laughing so much.

I creased my brows on what he means. "Cry? Why? Did you ever see me cry?" 

He grinned mysteriously before answering my question. "Yeah. Whenever you asked me to stop thrusting inside you. Though you're cuter that way."

"Shut up!"

He just chuckled and went back to cuddling with me. "Let's go tomorrow. I don't care if it's crowded or not. I just want to have some fun with you. You'll come with me right?" He whispered in my ear that literally made my heart skip a beat.

_Kei, don't get swayed. Just say no._

My mind reminded but when I opened my mouth to answer, a different set of words escaped my lips.

"Yes, I'll go."


	5. Chapter 5

I hate germs. I don't like crowded places. I hate the noise. And my interest only lies within umeboshi, volleyball and any opponent who looked like a threat to me.

I never once thought that I would engage into something I'm not used to. Or get involve with someone I never interacted with. I want my life to be as normal as possible and I hate troublesome things. That's why until now, I keep asking myself...

_Why do I find his warmth, comforting? Why I am so mesmerised with his smile? Why do I hate to see him cry? And of all why's, just why do I want to keep him?_

I ask myself as I gaze at Kei's sleeping face. We're laying together in one bed as if it's so natural when in fact, I hate sleeping with anyone in one bed. But with Kei, it's comforting that scares and soothes me at the same time. I can't give this name a feeling yet. Or rather say I don't want to give name to this because I'm afraid that if I do, I'll lose him.

I gently caress his face and my heart flutter when he huddled in my arms in his sleep just like the first night that I saw him wasted that lead us to making love all night until he passed out. 

_Damn... I shouldn't have answered that phone call. Then I wouldn't be troubled now because of this strange feeling whenever I'm with you._

I rant to myself but my body move on its own to enfold him more in my arms, not even wanting any spaces between our bodies. I gently press my lips on his forehead while remembering how this troublesome feelings started.

"I like you, Tsuki." I was stopped by that sudden confession when I was about to turn towards the comfort room to wash my hands.

_Seriously? Here of all places? How unromantic!_

"I don't see you that way. I'll forget that we have this kind of conversation." That Tsuki guy said coldly and I thought that he really mean it until he walked pass me with eyes that's about to cry.

That was the first time that I met the man who managed to block Wakatoshi-kun's spike. He looked normal but nothing special. Yet, his teary-eyed expression remained in my mind.

Years passed and I thought I forgot about him already,- the tall, slim build volleyball player from Karasuno with a short blonde hair, pale skin, thin eyebrows and golden-brown eyes that was about to cry.

I thought I did, not until I saw him again in our match with Schweiden Adlers, together with the same freckled guy who confessed to him years ago. But the difference this time, that freckled guy doesn't look at him the same way he did, and yet, why...

_Just why do you still looked like you're about to cry?_

Those were my thoughts when I'm silently watching them talk from afar while waiting for their other friends. I thought that at that time, I wanted to take him away from there. But he was taken by someone else instead. The former middle blocker of Nekoma.

It was silly of me to think that I could comfort him when we never interacted even once. For him, I am only his high school friend's team mate. But why?

_Why I can't forget those miserable eyes of yours?_

I thought that I won't be seeing him when he left with Kuroo-san but I was wrong. I accidentally answered Akaashi's call when I mistake his to mine since we have the same phone unit.

Surprisingly, it was him who called ranting how envious he is because of his decisions. How painful to know that Yamaguchi, - the freckled guy - is now happy with Yachi, - the petite blonde girl. And how he loathed himself for being a coward.

He even curse cupid for shooting him with his arrow and didn't take it back when Yamaguchi's love faded. He cussed cupid for not making him fall in love normally so he wouldn't be scared to take the risk of falling in love and getting into relationships.

When I heard his agonies, my heart felt his pain. It was unbearable that it makes me want to make him mine at all cost.

_You won't or rather say you can't. Because he will run away._ My mind warned so I stopped thinking of ways to make him mine.

I managed to convince him to give the phone to the bartender after he run out of things to say. After talking to the bartender, I quickly put Akaashi's phone back to the table and took mine. I didn't tell Akaashi about the phone call since he was busy caring to the already drunk Koutarou and immediately left and went to the bar where Kei is. 

I wonder why, I feel like my heart is being pricked when I saw how wasted he is. I Immediately paid for his bills, brought him to the nearest hotel and cleaned him up. I planned to leave right away cause my only plan is to keep him safe.

Not until he woke up in the middle of dressing him after I cleaned him. I feel like I'm sweating buckets when he opened his eyes because I'm doing something not me. But he just looked at me with sadness filled his eyes and smiled wearily.

"Hey, how come love is this painful?" He asked that made me thought that he's sober.

"I don't know. I never fell in love before." I answered that made him laugh dryly.

"Lucky you! You wouldn't feel like shit. Fuck that diapered asshole! I never asked for this! I never wanted this! But why?" He cried while hiding his face with his arms that made me feel heartbroken.

"Why does he need to shoot me with his useless arrow just to make me run away?" He continued that also made me somehow hate that diapered-asshole he's talking about.

And before I could even stop myself, I already have him weeping in my arms. With thoughts in my head that I want to keep him.

"Hey..."

"Kiyoomi. That's my name not 'Hey'." I scowled that somehow made him smile a bit. I took my mask off earlier already but how come he still couldn't recognize me?

_He still isn't sober, is he?_

"I'm in love with him and he was in love with me." He started telling the story behind his rants through the call I accidentally answered.

"I was scared. We're both guys. This relationship is fruitless and it will only break sooner or later. I thought I do the right thing. But why is it painful to see him happy with somebody else?" He asked that I find it hard to answer right away.

"If you love him this much. Why did you send him away? You should have been honest when he said that he loves you." I said after a short pause that made him scowled at me.

"You're not listening! I already told you this type of relationship is fruitless! We will only left scarred if things didn't work out between us! It's better not to start anything than ends it with us hurting." I flicked my fingers to his forehead because of his reasons that made him bawled like a kid so I once again embraced him tightly.

"If it was me. I won't tell you those three words cause you will only run away. I know words better than those that will surely make you stay." I whispered while tapping gently his shoulders to calm him.

He looked up with tears and snots mixed on his face. The things that I find disgusting but surprisingly, I don't feel the same way while looking at him. What I feel is something I couldn't give a name to.

"What is it?" 

I locked gazes with him and smiled warmly.

"Can I keep You?"


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The bold text is Akaashi's ❤️

I found myself enjoying Kiyoomi-san's company while strolling in this crowded theme park that we're in. Though he has his usual scowling, masked-on face, I could tell just from his eyes whenever I meet his gaze that he's having fun somehow.

"Do you want to rest for a bit? I doubt that those three idiots will settle down any minute now." Akaashi-san said apologetically to us, pertaining Hinata, Atsumu-san and Bokuto-san who's like a wild animal that got out of their cages since this morning.

I was about to say that it's fine when Kiyoomi-san answered.

"Then just message us where to meet for dinner. I'll go ride in Ferris Wheel with Kei first." He said that made me look at him.

Akaashi-san teasingly smiled at me and nod before he left us. I could feel my face burning in embarrassment on how he deliberately ship me with Kiyoomi-san.

In all of my high school friends, I could say that Akaashi-san is the only person I consult with my issues outside volleyball. That's why he knows that I'm having a convenient relationship with Kiyoomi-san just like how I had it with Kuroo-san before. He also knew what I feel for Yamaguchi that's why I don't understand why he starts shipping me with this perverted germaphobe. Besides, he knew that I will never ever engage myself in a serious relationship with the same sex.

There's only a few people who wanted to ride the Ferris wheel since it's getting dark and most of the people who visits the theme park probably ride it first, so we didn't wait long in line.

I don't know why I feel so nervous when the Ferris wheel starts moving. I'm not afraid of heights and I'm used to being alone with him, but why does it feels different?

I tried to avoid looking at him but my eyes won't stop staring at his now bare face watching the scenery below. I really like it when he's not covering his face with that mask of his but the sight of him watching the sunset with a serene expression is the best sight that I've seen so far.

"Kei... Stop looking at me like that. You're stirring me up." He said with a wide grin on his face when he looked at me.

I frown to hide my embarrassment. "I'm not staring at you!" I exclaimed that just made him laugh.

It doesn't make sense why I find his laugh amusing lately. Maybe it's because he only do things like this when it's just the two of us or maybe...

_Stop it! You're not falling! You're just being swayed because you're lonely!_ My mind stopped me from thinking farther.

"I'm having fun...spending time with you like this. What about you? Did you have fun?" Kiyoomi-san asked that made a mess in the blood flow of my heart, making my heartbeat exceeds the normal range.

I am sure that it is not the same feeling I have for Yamaguchi. It feels different. It's warm, blissful and serene but at the same time more alarming. Because I don't feel like running away.

And that's what scares me more, because I might break that one and only rule that I made for the both of us.

_I don't feel like ending what we have now even in the future._

"I had fun." I said in almost like whisper way without looking away from his gaze.

He smiled. "That's enough. Knowing you had fun... it was worth it." He murmured the last set of words but enough for me to hear.

He remained silent until we meet up with our friends for dinner like nothing happened so I did the same. Although his silence is killing me because I can't read what's going on his mind. He acted normal during dinner and talk to me from time to time asking random stuffs about my volleyball team that made Akaashi-san teased me through text.

_**From: Bokuto's Keiji** _

_**You look good together.** _

_Shut up!_

_**Hahaha! You sure you won't fall to that perverted germaphobe of yours? You looked like you already did, to me.** _

_I WON'T! AND I'M NOT!_

_**I bet yams didn't even crossed your mind today.** _

_Stop it Akaashi-san!_

_**You can't make me. Cause you looked like you're having fun, Tsuki.** _

_Well, you guessed right about it. I had fun._

_But it's not because of him alright!_

_It's just, it's been a while since I went out._

_With my friends._

_**But you two really looked good together. Change my mind.** _

_Stop it! Don't give weird ideas to my already tainted mind!_

**_Hahahahaha! Admit it Tsuki, you're falling._ **

_I said I'm not! Okay? I don't know. Argh!_

_I'm not! I won't fall in love with him._

**_Are you convincing me or yourself?_ **

**_Whatever. Just don't run away this time._ **

**_Not all relationships with the same-sex won't work out._ **

**_You'll never know if you haven't taken the first step yet._ **

**_I want you to be happy too, Tsukki._ **

**_And..._ **

_And?_

**_I want my ship to sail smoothly._ **

I couldn't help but smile to that message of his. I bet some people didn't know how playful Akaashi-san is, and how much he loves to act as a matchmaker. I wanted to ignore his last message, but he kept on spamming me with text if I don't reply right away that's why our conversation about me and Kiyoomi-san continues until we called it a night.

Only Atsumu-san plans to stay the night in Hinata's so we all walked to the train station to part there since we all have different routes.

"My train is here. I'll go ahead. Take care!" I said when we arrived at the train station just at the right moment for the train routed to my apartment came.

I thought that Kiyoomi-san will go back in Tokyo with Bokuto and Akaashi-san since we don't plan anything after this. That's why I was surprised when he gets on the train with me leaving our friends in awe.

"Are you planning to leave me alone?" Kiyoomi-san asked in a dangerous tone without looking at me. He has his mask on but I could tell that he's mad about something.

"We don't have any plans after this so I thought you'll go home after." I answered him acting complacent to his change of mood.

He didn't say a word after that and even though it's making me anxious the whole time, I can't really tell why his mood changed when he was acting just fine earlier. I wanted to make a conversation but his silence is making it hard to speak.

_Did I messed up or something?_

He remained silent until we got into my apartment that's why I was caught off guard when right after we enter my apartment he grabbed me by the hand and pinned me with his body and the door behind me, leaving only a small space between us to breathe.

I am taller than him but right now, I feel smaller while he's looking at me with those piercing eyes of his, making me perturbed to his actions.

_I fucked up, Ain't I?_

"What's my rule Kei?" He asked that made me mentally cussed myself when I realized what I did wrong.

"No phone when we're together." I replied calmly even though I feel like my knees are getting weak with the way he looked at me right now.

He looked dangerous... _Dangerously hot._

"Who was it? The person who could make you smile like that?" He asked but before I could even answer, my phone rings and Yamaguchi's name flashes on screen that made his glare into void.

"What do I expect? Of course it's him." Kiyoomi-san said with disappointment written on his eyes and move away from me.

"It's not what you think." I tried to explain but he just looked at me blankly. The kind of look that he used to give to someone he's not interested to interact with.

"It doesn't really matter what I think, Kei. We're just fuck buddies. So whoever you wanted to spread your legs to, doesn't concern me at all."

I feel like I've been slapped so hard in the face with his spiteful words. I feel like crying. I want to punch him but I won't give him the satisfaction to see me hurt, to see me get affected with his words.

I smirked at him. "Exactly. Whoever I text doesn't concern you at all. So don't act like you own me. Or are you falling in love with me so you're acting like a jealous boyfriend now?" 

He just looked at me blankly and spouted me these words before he left and leave me with an excruciating feeling in my heart that I never did once felt with Yamaguchi before.

"Why? Do you think I will fall in love with a fucked-up person like you?" 


	7. Seven

"We're going to Sendai tomorrow morning. Are you coming Omi-Omi?" Atsumu asked while we're changing from our sweaty uniform.

I scowled when he mentioned the place that I've been trying to avoid lately.

"No. Why should I? Is there a reason for me to go?" I snarled at him and slammed the door of my locker.

I saw in my peripheral his confused face while mouthing something to Hinata maybe asking why I got mad but I ignore them and left the locker room without saying goodbye.

Seriously, Kiyoomi Sakusa? Does being rejected could really make a person rude? My mind taunted.

I ruffled my hair in irritation after I realized what I did and take my phone to send an apology message to Atsumu and turn it off again when I saw that there's still no messages from Kei today. 

I'm still furious on what happened the last time we saw each other. What he said that night are so vexing that provoked me to spout words I didn't mean.

It's infuriating. I know! I fuckin' know that I don't own him! I am aware of that! But the thing is, he is mine! Kei is mine to keep. That's why it irked me when I saw how he smiled fondly to whoever Judas he was texting that time during dinner. I never saw him smile at me like that when he's sober and it drives me crazy.

I'm jealous alright! Who won't be? He was with me during those times that he's hurting. He has me. We were having fun. We were happy. I made him happy but why?! Why the fuck he had to smile like that because of someone else?! Why can't it be me?

And when I saw that man's name flashes on his phone screen when I confronted him, I lost it. How come he can still smile fondly at his messages when he already has me. We're not together but he's mine. He's exclusively mine even without those fuckin' labels he's running away to.

You can keep me, just don't ask me to put a label on us. So? Will you still keep a fucked-up person like me under that one condition? But since you're my keeper, then it just mean that I'm exclusively yours right? 

I sighed when I remember his words when he was so damn wasted. I know he was just drunk that time. I was aware that he won't remember me, the things he said or even what we did that night. But I still took a gamble and made a move to get closer with him.

And that's because of that fuckin smile of his that I don't want to be paired with those lonely pair of eyes made by the person he's been running away to.

This is not so me but I can't help it. That stupid diapered-asshole also shoot me with his sharp golden head arrow filled with uncontrollable desires for Kei. The desire to make him genuinely happy. The desire for him to not run away to love again. The desire that Kei named for me that night. 

The desire called love. 

Smoke puff in the air when I heaved a sigh for the nth time. It's been two weeks since then but I haven't heard anything from him. I didn't contact him or even go to Sendai cause I'm still mad but it's heartbreaking cause he seems not affected on what happened to us.

What did you expect? You can keep him but you can't own him. And now you can't even have him anymore. My mind said mockingly making me remember his expression before I left when I told him those spiteful words.

I feel exhausted when I got to my apartment. And it feels lonelier now because there's traces of Kei everywhere I look.

What am I even doing?

I sighed and decided to turn on my phone again. Atsumu replied with a group picture of hinata and him together with Koutarou and Akaashi-kun in our favorite pub. Before I could even reply to his response, he calls.

"Omi-omi! If you're really sorry come here! You're on speaker by the way" I rolled my eyes on how enthusiastic he is even after I snapped at him earlier.

"No. I don't want to."

"Don't you want to celebrate Tsuki's graduation, Omi-san?" My brows creased not on Hinata's question but because of Kei's voice on the background telling him to shut up.

"We told Tsuki to come here so we could celebrate first before his big day tomorrow, Omi-kun! Join us!" Koutarou said that I choose to ignore.

I feel hurt. Knowing that he's with them while I'm here in my apartment, waiting like an Idiot for his call or even a single message. He even sounds unaffected when he heard my voice. But what hurts me the most is that he went here in Tokyo not because of me, but because of his friends.

What do you expect? He's not in love with you. 

I could feel that diapered-asshole's arrow piercing my heart even deeper making me feel numb with the pain brought by the reality that Kei is someone that I can only keep but I could never ever own.

"I'm tired. Have fun. And tell him congratulations on his graduation." I said and end the call right away.

I guess I'm just like that freckled-guy. We both fall in love with someone we can't have. But he is the lucky one 'cause Kei loves him and still loving him.

I sighed in defeat after the call and just let tears fall in my eyes. Who would've have thought that there would be a time that I will cry not because of volleyball but because of someone that stayed only in my life for a fleeting moment.

If you're going to give him up just like that, why did you even starts to make memories with him? My heart asked that made me smile faintly.

I took my phone when it beeps once more just to feel more hurt when Atsumu send a picture of them now with Kei and beside him is none other than Yamaguchi. The man he loves until now, with not only his lips plastering a genuine smile, but also his eyes oozing with happiness that I've never seen before.

"I just want to erase the memory of your miserable eyes while looking at the man you love being happy with his new love, Kei. But who would've thought that in exchange, I will have them..." I whispered sadly while staring at his smiling pictures. 

Hey heart! Isn't this enough reason for me to give up?


	8. Chapter 8

"Hey Tobio-kun... Have you ever wonder why that diapered-asshole shoots people randomly with his cruel arrow?" I asked that made the guy stretching beside me after we finished several laps running in circle in this uncrowded park that we're in.

Since I couldn't get Kei out of my head and my heart won't stop wanting to take him away from Yamaguchi, I decided to go to the pub without telling them that I'll come but I end up meeting Tobio-kun outside the pub that was about to leave without even going in. It seems that he was also invited for Kei's pre-graduation celebration but chicken out the last minute because of Hinata and Atsumu. 

I guess you can say that we both chickened out because of the same thing just with different person. So we decided to go at the park close by the pub where our friends are celebrating.

He sighed. "I don't know who you're talking about Kiyoomi-san but whoever he is, did you manage to remember his face? We can report him if you want to?"

My head hurts on his response. Why did I forget that this person is just like those three idiots in my team?

"But I wonder..." Tobio-kun continued and stands straight. "When will he take his arrow back from us? Cause it's too painful. The wound is just getting deeper each passing days. And it's more unbearable every single time that I see him in a bliss because of somebody else." He said before looking at me. 

I sighed and looked up to the starless sky to suppress my tears. Why did I end up meeting a more heartbroken person than me?

"I want to know... If I should give up without putting up a fight or try different ways to keep him by my side." I said that made him sigh and sits on the bench beside me.

"What I want to know more is how to give up after putting up a fight but still got defeated? What I've left is nothing but our memories together while he's making more with a different person now." Tobio-kun said while staring at his phone with Hinata's picture as his lock screen wallpaper.

I let out a depressive laugh. This guy is in a more complicated situation than I am but I can still relate somehow since we're talking about the same diapered-bastard who made us like this.

"Exactly! Why give us memories to look back to, when all it will make you feel is nothing but hell?" I agreed that made us silent for a moment.

Tobio sighed. "It was hell alright. Pure hell." He started. 

"But you know what Sakusa-san? I realize that the one who put me in this hellish state is not that dumbass shooter, diapered-bastard. It's not Hinata either but me. It was all me. The me who got scared when Hinata is learning how to fight on his own. The selfish bastard me who wouldn't want him to learn how to fly alone. The coward me who never once told him what I truly feel until it was too late. It was the old version of me who puts me in this state, that made me miserable."

Tobio-kun looked at me with the same lonely expression as I after telling me his regrets.

"If I could travel back in time, I want to go back to the time when he confessed. So I could tell him that I loved him first. And I'll be the last one to stay in love. What about you? Where do you want to go back to?" He asked that made me silent and lost in thoughts until he left.

When is it? The time I wanted to go back to? Is it the time that I first saw his teary-eyed expression? Or is it when I saw him again after MSBY and Schweiden's match with the same expression? When is it? When do I want to go back to so I could tell him this uncontrollable feelings of mine?

I've been thinking about it while walking towards the station when I finally decided to go home. I keep on thinking when in our vivid memories do I want to go back to but I can't decide when and why that time?

Kei's cold expression during our last time together popped in my mind as well as the question he threw at me. 

"Exactly. Whoever I text doesn't concern you at all. So don't act like you own me. Or are you falling in love with me so you're acting like a jealous boyfriend now?" 

"Why? Do you think I will fall in love with a fucked-up person like you?" 

I sighed upon remembering the question I asked him before I left. The question that I kept the answer to myself.

Ah. That time for sure. If I can only go back to that time. I'll tell you for sure... the next set of words that I kept from telling you.

With those thoughts in mind, I stopped in my tracks when I saw Kei across me, sitting at the bench near the train station to Sendai. I walked to him but stopped before I could even call his name when I saw Yamaguchi handed him a canned coffee. They didn't notice me because they seemed to be having a serious conversation. 

My heart felt like it's being pricked by hundred sharp needles when Kei smiled at him a genuine smile paired with a now serene eyes of his.

I smiled faintly. "I guess I couldn't go back now." I whispered.

Hey Tsukishima Kei... If you think that I will fall in love with a fucked-up person like you... You're right. Because.... 

"I'm in love with you." Kei finished the sentence that I wanted to tell him with a serene look on his face. But it wasn't for me to hear. It's for Yamaguchi. The only man he loved and stayed in love with.

I didn't stay long to hear more of their conversation because it's excruciating. I thought that it hurts to see him with those lonely eyes of his before. But now, I guess Tobio-kun was right.

His happiness with somebody else after you missed your chance to tell what you really feel is like a venom that slowly kills you... 

It's more painful to see his eyes beaming with happiness while he's with the person he truly wanted to be with.

With these thoughts... I left.

And...

Planned for my next move to fully capture the moon.

After all Kei... I'm the only one who can keep you right?

I said in mind after reading the message Kei sent earlier that I read just now.

_From: my salty kei_

_Are you still mad?_

_I'm sorry._

_Can I stay the night?_

_Nevermind. I brought your keys._

_I'm coming over._


	9. Chapter 9

I sighed for the nth time tonight and keep staring at the mug of beer I'm holding while checking my phone from time to time, waiting for a certain person's text or call. But there's none.

It's been two weeks since I last saw Kiyoomi-san and after that night of our fight, I haven't heard anything from him since then. At first, I just let it be because it wasn't my fault. Well okay it was mine to begin with, but it was him who didn't even let me explain at all.

He was the one who misunderstood things and just left after blurting spiteful words at me. And it's more painful to hear from him that whoever I fucked with doesn't concern him when I don't meet guys other than him.

_Because he doesn't want me to. And I don't have any reasons too. Why should I if I already have him?_

But this damn germaphobe is so prideful. I even went to Tokyo so I could meet him using my pre-graduation celebration as an excuse. And yet, he didn't come even after Atsumu-san called him.

"Tsuki, I'm staying the night to Hinata's apartment and take the first train tomorrow. What about you?" Yamaguchi asked that made me come back to my senses.

He was with me. Or rather say, I asked him to come with me. I don't know what change but I can definitely say that I'm not as hurt as before even when he talks about Yachi so fondly during our trip going to Tokyo to meet our friends.

But what I didn't expect the most is that even when I'm with Yamaguchi, the only thing that's been occupying my mind is him. That perverted germaphobe. Wondering what's he's been up to after we part. And if he's still mad at me for breaking one of his rules.

"I'm meeting someone later and might as well stay the night there." I said that made him snickered.

"Why?" I asked in wonder.

"Sorry, Tsuki. Its just that, I feel relieved to know that you're seeing someone now instead of sleeping with strangers randomly. He seems the grumpy and jealous type though. Cause every time I call you to hang out, he always answer the call to say that you two have plans already. Makes me wonder now, when are you going to introduce him to me." He said that made me almost choked on my beer.

"Call?? What call? When did you ever call aside from what I received two weeks ago? And those I missed?" I asked in surprise.

Yamaguchi frowned in confusion. "You didn't know? I'm calling you every Friday night whenever Yachi and I are hanging out with the Senpais cause I know you don't have anything to do during the weekend so we could catch up. But he always answer it for you. Even that day when you cancelled to meet up, I called to tell you where to meet, he answered the call for you and told me you're taking a shower. So when you send me a message, I already know that you can't come."

My jaw dropped on what he said while trying to remember when did Kiyoomi-san answer all my calls. Then I recall that thing happened in my bathroom the night before we had a fight.

"Actually, Yachi and the our senpais are also wondering who is it that you're dating. That's the reason why I called you last time cause Yachi is so damn curious about your lovelife lately." He said laughing. 

I still find it unbelievable so I checked all my call logs and he was right! There are call logs that I'm not familiar with. Cause I rarely answer Yamaguchi's calls.

Surprisingly, I'm not mad. I'm just confused why Kiyoomi-san do that and he never did tell me anything about Yamaguchi's calls.

"So who's your secret lover Tsuki?" Yamaguchi teased.

"Shut up, Yamaguchi!" I scowled that made him laugh.

"Sorry, Tsuki. It's just that, I'm happy you know? That you're not the same as before. To be honest, I hate that part of you who sleeps with random guys. It's fine if you're happy but you don't look like it. But now, you looked happier." Yamaguchi looked at me with a relief expression.

_Am I? Do I look happier?_ I asked my mind but the answer I get is Kiyoomi-san's different expressions when we're together.

His default scowling face when we're with our friends. His hot and seriously arousing gaze during our steamy rough sex that easily replaced with worry whenever I'm close to passing out because of how perverted he is. And the serene gaze he gives me when he thought that I'm not aware that he's staring. 

And before I realize it, I'm already smiling that made Yamaguchi chuckled.

"You should have seen that look on your face. I never saw you smile like that before." He said that made me shook my head but didn't argue with him.

We talked random things like the old times and took several group pictures before we called it a night since Bokuto-san got wasted again like the usual.

"I don't know why he loves to drink even though he's a lightweight. Did they had a fight before coming here? They don't flirt too much like before." Atsumu-san said after their cab left.

"Dummy. If they do, they won't be here." Hinata said and looked at us. "Let's go home. We need to catch the first train tomorrow."

"Tsuki we're going now. Are you sure you'll be fine?" Yamaguchi asked but I stopped him from going so we could talk more. Or rather say...

_So I can start moving on._

Once again, I checked my phone just to feel disappointed cause I haven't heard anything from Kiyoomi-san even after I sent him a text message that I'm coming over. I guess he's already sleeping since it's been a while since Atsumu-san called him.

"We're going ahead now. Don't be too late though you still need to get some sleep too." Hinata said before giving Yamaguchi their spare key.

We watched the idiot couple as they walked hand in hand towards the station without giving a care on how the other people look at them. I still feel envious. But it wasn't toxic like before.

_What change me?_

"I'll get us something to make as sober a little wait for me at the bench." Yamaguchi said before going to a nearby vending machine.

I sighed and stared at the moon alone in a starless sky, thinking why Kiyoomi-san won't leave my mind even when I'm with Yamaguchi. I was never like this with Yamaguchi before. What I have in my mind after I realize that I love him in a different way, my initial instinct is to run away. But why?

_Why I want to chase you instead? Even though I don't have any plans to take a risk?_

"Here Kei..." Yamaguchi handed me a canned coffee that made me come back to my senses.

He sits beside me and heaved a relief sigh. "I'm actually happy today, Tsuki. It's been a while since we hangout like this. Do you still remember back in high school-"

"I'm in love with you." I cut him off and then there's silence.

I don't know why those words just escaped my lips. But surprisingly, I feel like my heart has been lifted from the burden that I've been keeping inside me for years now after blurting out those words.

I looked at Yamaguchi and smiled genuinely. "Back in high school I'm in love with you." I looked away when I saw a glint of sadness passed through his eyes.

"I was scared so I brush off your confession like it was nothing. That time, when you confessed, the thought of making memories with you and the pain it will cause me if ever we part overwhelms me." I continued before taking a sip on my coffee.

"So you run away." He murmured that I answered with a nod.

"I always thought that loving you is a mistake. Because we're both men. Because engaging in a same-sex relationship is fruitless. That's why when you told me that you never once thought that loving me is a mistake, I feel ashamed. And made me question myself if, does what I feel for you is really love?" I admitted that made us both laugh wryly.

"Who knows. After all, Cupid has two types of arrows he used for shooting people. One with a sharp golden tip that will only make you feel uncontrollable desire, and the other one is a blunt lead tip that will only make you feel a desire to flee." Yamaguchi said and looked at me with a sad look on his face yet I could tell that he is somehow relieved.

Relieved to hear that I too, felt the same back then or relieved that I am now opening up to him after years of running away.

"Tsuki, maybe you got struck by Cupid's blunt lead tip arrow that's why even though you love me, your desire is always to flee from me. It's not because it is fruitless, but because I'm not the right person who can make you feel secured. Who can make you take the risk. Who can keep you without making you want to run away." He said that made me silent.

I still feel like engaging in a same-sex relationship is fruitless. My mind haven't change yet. But I still wonder... 

Why did I thought of Kiyoomi-san when Yamaguchi mentioned about someone who can keep me without wanting to run away?

"And besides, you seemed over me now. By just looking at you getting antsy while checking your phone every now and then, I believe whoever it is that you're secretly seeing means a lot to you now." He teased that made me question my mind.

A _m I in love with him? I'm not right? Not yet?_

I sighed when my heart skipped a beat after my mind flashes Kiyoomi's rare smile.

"Stupid diapered asshole." I said that made the both of us laugh heartily. We chat a bit more until we decided to call it a night.

I feel nervous for no reason while on my way to Kiyoomi-san's house. Although I have the key to his house, the fact that we're still not okay after the last time we met, is making me anxious.

The thought of what if he doesn't want to see me again? or what if he already found a new partner? I felt a pang of pain just the thought of knowing he found someone else but I tried to brush it off.

And as those what ifs clouded my mind, I arrived at his apartment but I just stand outside his front door with the key in my hand hanging in the air, while still deliberating with myself if I should go in and use his key or just call him to open the door for me.

But before I could even decide. A half-naked Kiyoomi opened the door with a sullen look on his face.

"You sure take your time huh." He scowled after opening the door wide to let me enter.

I silently went inside and take my shoes off. But right after he closed the door, I felt his warm body behind me while I'm imprisoned to his embrace.

"I missed you. You damn salty moon."

He whispered in my ear that truly made me aware of the sharp golden-tip arrow piercing deeper to my heart that this cunning diapered-asshole shot at me unconsciously.

_I'm a goner._


	10. Chapter 10

  
“I miss you. You damn salty moon.”

I was caught off guard when he uttered those words that I’m not expecting to hear not only because of what happened the last time we met but also because of the kind of relationship we have. My heart flutters like how it did when Yamaguchi confessed to me before. It’s three words and eight letters alright! But the feeling I had back then is almost the same.

“You stink!” His usual crankiness ruined the mood. He pulled away from hugging me and took my hand and drag me inside the house.

“I’ll heat the bath again, take a little rest for now. I’ll call you when it’s done.” He said after gently shoving me in the couch and went to the bathroom.

It’s a good thing that he didn’t look at me because I could feel my cheeks blushing due to his sudden express of affection. I am used to his gentleness after having our usual rough sex and his sweetness when it’s just the two of us together, but not with sweet words like this.

I lay down on his couch and cover my eyes with my arms. I just ended my unrequited love but what I feel after Yamaguchi and I parted is not what a brokenhearted person feels. I admit. I do feel something for Kiyoomi-san but I don’t want to keep on pondering about it because he’s just like me. He doesn’t like commitments at all that’s why I keep on seeing him before.

I sighed and remove my arms from covering my eyes just to meet Kiyoomi-san’s fondly gaze while looking down on me from the top of my head. My heart starts to fluctuate once more after I just let it calm down and it is all because of his gaze.

_Damn those eyes! Why does it look sexy now when I always feel sleepy because of it before?_

We stared at each other’s eyes for some time. I keep on thinking why this sinfully handsome, famous outside hitter of MSBY black jackals managed to make my heart uncontrollable? What made him stay in this kind of relationship when there’s a lot of people simping over him? And why stay with someone fucked up like me? Did he got his heart broken before?

_I guess, I know little about you huh? Or rather say, I choose to know only little things about you._

“Kei…take a bath now so we can sleep. I know you’re tired.” Kiyoomi-san broke the silence and move to stand from bending down on me but I stop him by encircling my arms on his nape and pull him closer to mine making our eyes opposite to each other’s lips.

I giggled when I heard him hissed and moved a little so our lips would meet. I kissed him slow and teasing. He didn’t disappoint me and kissed me back with the same intensity. His tongue seeks for entrance and I let him making me feel a different sensation that I haven’t felt before when I’m still unaware of his charms.

He moaned when I bit his lower lip gently but he can’t do anything because of our position that made me smile in between kisses.

Kiyoomi-san pulled away gently to catch our breaths. “You still stink Kei… I don’t like smelling someone else’s scent on you.” He murmured before planting soft kiss on my lips and stand up properly.

“Take a bath and let’s sleep.”

I get up and rest my head on his shoulder. “We won’t do it?”

Kiyoomi-san pulled me from my waist to his body so I would feel his raging hard on. “This ‘thing’ wants to be inside you so much after I feel your warmth. I’m just holding back coz if we do it tonight, there’s no way that you can still go home early tomorrow for your graduation ceremony.” 

My face feels like burning with the embarrassment. He chuckled and gently brush my hair staying our position even though he said that I stink, twice.

It’s calming to be honest. Even without these butterflies in my stomach before, when I’m with him it’s comfortable. As if I already knew how comfy to be on his embrace and how sweet his kisses are. I don’t want to fall deeply but I’m already losing my grip to my wayward heart.

 _Get a hold of yourself, Kei! You're being trapped once again by that diapered-asshole!_ My mind said that made me come back to my senses 

“Alright. Lend me some clothes.” He let me go when I push him lightly and walk to the bathroom silently.

I rested my back in the bathroom door after I closed it and heaved a sigh. I looked at myself in the mirror and felt scared a bit when I saw how my eyes glistened with happiness.

It wasn’t the same Kei Tsukishima that I always see in the mirror when I’m still drowning in loneliness because of Yamaguchi. The reflection in the mirror is someone drowning in euphoria that maybe brought by those unexpected three words and eight letters or might be because of that perverted germaphobe’s fond gaze or warm embrace. But what sure is, that starting from this point…

_I will never see him the way I used to._

I took my time in bath after that realization and went out when I feel like I already calmed down. Wearing his pajamas that he left for me I went to his bedroom when I didn't see him in the living room.

God knows how I tried to act cool when I saw him sitting on his bed waiting for me while checking his phone. My heart almost jumped of its cage when he looked at me and smiled sweetly. I anxiously walked towards the bed, afraid that he might hear my heartbeat thumping loud and wild. He moved a little and pulled me next to him imprisoning me to his embrace as we lay on his bed.

“This feels nice…” He whispered. “Having you in my arms…with my scent on you and not from someone else.” 

_Damn… stop dragging me to an even hellish and unescapable state that I might willingly embrace with all my inhibitions gone, Kiyoomi-san._ I whispered in my head while feeling his warmth.

“Hey Kei…”

“Hmm…”

“I’m sorry for what I said.”

I looked at him and met his sad eyes.

I smiled. “Kiss me so we can call it quits.”

He shook his head with a smile plastered on his lips but still do what I asked him to do.

The way his lips brushed gently into mine…

The way his hands softly roam into my body…

The more I’m falling to the trap made by the diapered-asshole who’s probably watching me get drag to another game of love he sets for me. But this time the only different is…

_I am more than willing._


	11. Chapter 11

  
_**From: Perverted Germaphobe** _   
_**I’m on my way now.** _   
_**I bought ingredients for curry.** _   
_**Want me to pick you up or let’s just meet at your place?** _   
_**See you in a bit.** _   
_**I miss you Kei.** _

I couldn’t suppress my smile when I saw Kiyoomi-san’s messages when I got off from work. I was about to reply when I saw him from a distance staring at me. He’s wearing a black high neck long sleeve t-shirt and black Jagger pants with his mask on like the usual but he still looked good. The girls swooning at his sight when they passed by him is the proof.

“Good work today.” He said when I get close to him. I couldn’t see his face fully but I can tell just from his eyes that he’s smiling.

“I thought you bought something? Where are your things?” I asked when we’re walking to the station.

“I went to your place first to drop off my things and come here to pick you up.” He said casually that made my wayward heart swooned like those girls I saw while giving him second glances.

Ever since I become aware of my feelings for him, I notice some of his attributes that I didn’t see before. Yes, he is still perverted in bed but when we’re just doing nothing, Kiyoomi-san is actually sweet and attentive. He takes care of me like a lover would do. He’s very affectionate to the point that I couldn’t really tell what are we anymore.

“Why?” _Why are you making me fall deeper and harder with you?_ I asked leaving the last question to myself.

Kiyoomi-san looked around first before he grabbed my hand and drag me in a dark alley. He shoved me gently in the cold concrete and pull down his mask. Without further ado, he claimed my lips hungrily as if we haven’t seen each other for so long when in fact, he’s been coming here in Sendai more than usual with or without us having sex. Most of the times he just wanted to sleep over.

He pulled away when we run out of breath and gaze at me with a sweet smile on his lips.

“That’s my answer.” He whispered before holding my hand and walked to the station like nothing happened.

Something changed between us that’s for sure but we both chose to not talk about it. I don’t know his reasons why he’s been acting like he has feelings for me lately but I don’t want to ask coz I might be wrong. I might be just assuming things just because I’m feeling something for him.

_You’ll never know if you won’t ask._

I remembered Akaashi-san said that to me when I told him what’s been going on with me and Kiyoomi-san lately.

If truth to be told, I’m scared to ask him why he changed. I’m afraid to hear his answer. Cause whether we both feel the same or not, I still decided not to take away his future from him.

Yeah, I am more than willing to be used by that sadistic diapered-asshole’s game once more. That’s why I’m letting myself fall even more deeper to Kiyoomi-san. But I don’t want to trap him in this fruitless relationship.

I want him to have his own family and someday maybe I’ll do the same and just keep our memories to myself. We still can make happy memories without trapping ourselves in a superficial label that will only make everything complicated. I want to avoid the inevitable by keeping quiet and cherishing what we have right now.

He cooked dinner for us when we get home and had a few drinks while watching Schweiden’s recorded match and talked random things about volleyball.

“After I watch your match with Schweiden during Hinata’s debut, I thought to myself that I would really love to block at least one of your spikes.” I said over drinks.

He smiled. “Me too. When we’re still in high school. I was hoping to have a match with you back then coz I want to see in action whoever it is managed to block Wakatoshi’s spike.”

I felt a rush of nostalgia to that point in my life when I got really hooked with volleyball.

“That time, I thought that it’s just one point out of twenty-five. This is just a club. Then I remembered Bokuto-san’s story about that ‘moment’ when he fell in love with volleyball. When I managed to block one of Ushijima-san’s spike, I thought, ah! So, this is the ‘moment’ he was talking about.”

I looked at him after I said that and got a little conscious when I saw him watching me intently with a fascinated smile on his lips as if I’m telling something amusing.

“Did I sound weird?” I asked that made him chuckle.

“No. I just thought that it’s nice to know more something about you, Kei. It’s nice staring at you while you’re reminiscing your best moment in volleyball. I guess that one point was the reason why you’re still into volleyball.”

I smiled. “Maybe.”

He put down the can of beer I’m holding and pulled me closer so I could lean my back on him while he’s resting his chin on my shoulders.

“Hey Kei…”

“Hmm?” I tried to act calm when in fact, my heart is running amok with this sweetness of his again.

“You should smile more like this. I love it when you smile for me.” He whispered enough for me to hear.

“Yeah, as if I’ll cry for you.” I rebuffed that made him bit my neck and suck it hardly making me feel that familiar pain and pleasure that I only felt with him.

He tilted his head a little to meet my gaze after marking me with eyes full of sincerity “As if I’ll make you cry.”

I thought we will do ‘it’ but even after sharing a passionate kiss, we didn’t do it and just cuddle in bed still talking about random things about us until we fell asleep hugging each other like we’re lovers.

That night, I had a very weird dream. It was about when I got wasted for the first time and I didn’t know who I end up sleeping with. But in my dream, I saw Kiyoomi-san.

He was looking at me like the way he does every now and then, the fond look that makes my heart beats erratically. And I’m on his arms crying my heart out because of Yamaguchi. He just let me even though I could see that he’s not comfortable seeing mixed tears and snots on my face that somehow, I find it funny.

I couldn’t recall what happened in my dreams when I woke up, but the words he keeps on whispering while making love with me, I clearly remembers it all the moment I opened my eyes, as if they really happened in real life.

 _That would really freak me out if that happened in real life._ I whispered in my head and turn to my side facing Kiyoomi-san.

A sweet smile cracked my lips while staring to the sleeping man beside me and trace his pointed nose with my finger. He slowly opened his sleepy eyes before shutting it once again after pulling me closer to him even more while murmuring the same set of words that I heard him say in my dreams and went back to sleep leaving me quite confused.

“I’ll keep you.”


	12. Chapter 12

**_From: Yamaguchi_ **

**_Tsuki? Are you free tonight?_ **

**_Can we meet up :'(_ **

**_I guess I can. Why?_ **

**_What's up?_ **

_**Yachi and I had a fight.** _

**_Okay. Let's meet at the usual pub._ **

**_I'm out in an hour._ **

_**I'll pick you up. Let's go together.** _

_**Thanks Tsuki.** _

I put the phone in my pocket after reading Yamaguchi's last message thinking what might be the cause of their fight that never once happened when he was our captain and Yachi is our manager.

I shook my head when I thought how a simple label could change a good relationship and get back on doing my work. Time flies so fast and I'm done with my work. After reading Yamaguchi's text that he's close by I send Yachi a message about his dramatic boyfriend and hurriedly take my things and went off of work. I just got out of the office when my phone beeps once more thinking that it was Yamaguchi.

My brows creased when I saw Kiyoomi-san sent me a message. It has been three days since we last saw each other but I haven't asked him anything about the words he uttered. Or rather say, I don't have the courage to do so, coz it will surely change what I've been decided to do. If what I saw in my dream truly happened, then it'll be the answer why he's like this with me. Why he acts a lover more than a fuck buddy should.

_**From : Perverted Germaphobe** _

_**Can I stay over tonight?** _

_**I miss you.** _

I sighed on how weak my heart is when it comes to those words. Who would have thought that there are words better than 'I love you'?

**_I'll pick you up._ **

I immediately replied after that message of his. I don't know why he's easily gets irritated when it comes to Yamaguchi like what happened when we had a fight and also those phone calls that he answered for me, plus Yamaguchi doesn't know yet that I'm seeing Kiyoomi-san, so it's better to not let them meet yet.

**_No just wait me in my apartment._ **

**_I'll be having a drinking party with my workmates._ **

I know I lied and I'm breaking another one of his rules but I can't tell him that I'll be meeting Yamaguchi. He might misunderstood things again and it's a pain in the ass when he's mad, literally and figuratively.

"Tsuki!"

I saw Yamaguchi sitting at the planter box bench seat with his eyes red from crying.

"You looked like a mess." I said when I got close to him. He looked at me with tears clouded in his eyes like a kid.

"Tsuki!" He wailed and hugged me from my waist to my surprise but I just let him be

This guy is really a crybaby and overly dramatic at times. I sighed and ruffled his hair gently to calm him down while waiting for Yachi to come and pick him up. From her reply just a while ago, it seems that they're just having a misunderstanding.

It looks like this friend of mine tried to talk about marriage but got rejected. It's not that she doesn't want to marry him, Yachi thinks that it's still early for that. She wants to enjoy their dating life and settle down when they have enough savings for their future. He just over reacted.

"Tsuki, Yachi rejected me when I asked her when she does want to get married." He said after I gently pushed him from hugging me and sit beside him.

"Are you sure about that? Maybe you just misunderstood her?" I asked.

I guess I'm really over him when I don't feel the same pain from before even when I heard it directly from him. It's like as if he's not the man that I loved for years.

"I know it's still early to talk about marriage but what can I do, I just want to be with her more. We've been busy with our works lately and we rarely have time for each other." I got quiet when Yamaguchi said that, appreciating Kiyoomi-san's efforts to go back and fort here in Sendai to Tokyo whenever he misses me.

_Wait. Then does that mean I'm being loved?_

"Is that why you start this marriage thing conversation with her? If you miss her then why not just go to her place? She's not living far you know? Make an effort." I rebuked him for making it a big deal and almost blurted how Kiyoomi-san makes an effort just to see me.

Yamaguchi faced me looking gross with his snots and tears. "It's not it Tsuki. I want to keep her you know. That's why I opened up about this marriage thing with her."

I got silent on his choice of words making me bothered once more to that dream and Kiyoomi-san's words when he was half asleep.

"What do you mean you want to keep her?" I asked almost like a whisper but enough for him to hear.

He sighed. "Tsuki, when you're in love. You either want to own that person or you want to keep her."

My brows crinkled. "What's the difference?" 

Yamaguchi smiled at me. "'Owning' is like making that person your possession and at some point it's destructive. While 'Keeping' is a little bit different with owning though they have similar meanings but this one, you're protecting your possession while giving it freedom at the same time."

I got silenced with his words while remembering the note that I saw that day. It was like that person is telling me 'I want to protect you so be mine instead'.

_Can I keep you?_

Fuzzy memories of that night flashes to my mind, making me stands on my seat startling Yamaguchi.

"I'm sorry Yamaguchi. I need to go home now. There's something that I need to do. Let's drink next time okay? And wait here. Yachi's on her way." I said and left him confused on my action.

I took my phone in my bag and hurriedly call Kiyoomi-san making sure that he's at my apartment now.

"Kiyoomi-san where are-"

Before I could ask I already saw him across the street walking towards the station. I was trying to reach him but stopped on my feet when he spoke at the other line. 

"You don't really have to lie to me you know. I get it Kei. I'm already aware that someone owns your heart already and I'm trying my best not to mind that. But Kei... Why do you have to lie?" He asked in a defeated voice.

_Not again. This dummy really don't listen to anything when he's like this._

"H-hey Kiyoomi-san stop will you first please stop leaving and come back. Let's talk alright?" I said still chasing him and almost cussed out loud when got caught by the stoplight.

He laughed dryly. "What for? You're with him right? You're with the person you love. I'm tired Kei. Let's talk next time."

And before I could even explain, he already ended the call.

_Fuck! When is that next time? You sounded like there's no next time, this time._ I said in mind while keep on chasing him.

I tried to run as fast as I could but just when I thought that I almost reach him...

A loud bang was heard after a deafening screeched and the next thing I knew, Kiyoomi-san's unconscious body is laying on the cold concrete road painted with a pool of blood.


	13. Chapter 13

"Tsukishima, I'm thankful that you're always visiting my cousin but you should get some rest too." Motoya-san said when he saw me outside Kiyoomi-san's room and handed me a canned coffee.

It's been a week since the accident. I couldn't even remember what happened after I saw him throw off the ground when he was hit by a car. He was on a critical condition and needed to get a surgery right away so he was moved to Tokyo Hospital to get the best medical care that he needs. But he didn't wake up even after the surgery was successfully done.

I couldn't recall what I've been even doing for the past week. I just go home to sleep a little and go to work then go back to Tokyo to take a look at him from the outside of his room. I haven't entered his room since then coz I have no rights to. He became like that because of me, because I lied.

I couldn't step in because I still vividly recall his body laying on the bloody ground and the last conversation that we had.

**_Why do you have to lie?_ **

Those words keeps on giving me nightmares. It's my fault that he end up in coma. If I didn't lie that day he wouldn't be here. We would've been happy in his or my apartment, talking about random things or making love. But because of me...

"It's not your fault. If that's what you're thinking." Motoya-san said that stop my mind from wandering to self-loathing. 

"It is my fault. If I didn't lie, he wouldn't be here." I said still lacking with emotion because of numbness. 

Since the accident, I feel like all my senses numbed, all my emotions faded aside from pain and loathing myself. I couldn't cry even when I'm hurting so much whenever I look at his state.

"Don't be too hard on yourself. He just happened to be there at the wrong time. You didn't push him, you're not the one who hit him. You just happened to be the person who stole his heart." Motoya-san said before handing me a ring box and a letter with my name and has a little blood stain on it.

"You were so out of it after the accident and a lot happened so I couldn't give it to you right away. It was on his pocket when the accident happened. The nurse gave it to me coz I'm the only calm person that time. I'm sorry I read the letter coz I've been wondering what he was doing there in the first place." He continued while staring at Kiyoomi-san's hospital room.

I opened the ring box and saw a silver ring on it. I took it out and felt the pain even more unbearable when I saw the words engraved on it.

**_私の最愛の月_ **

**_*(My beloved moon/Tsuki)_ **

"Read it and when you're ready, give him your answer. He's unconscious but I know he can hear you. So stop punishing yourself." He said before he left me to gave me some time alone.

I slowly opened his letter and read it silently.

**_Hey Kei, I know you're wondering what's this letter all about. I'm sorry I couldn't tell this in person but let me tell you what I've been hiding from you before looking inside the box._ **

I'm guessing that he's planning to leave these things when he's about to go home if things between us worked out properly.

**_I fell in love with you at first sight because of your lonely eyes. Seeing your teary expression remained in my memory for years after I saw you got confessed to. I'm wondering myself that time, why this beautiful face stained with sorrow when he was the one who rejected the confession? Then I realized, ah! He lied. That's why I made it to be my first rule. I don't like you lying._ **

I clutched the paper I'm holding when I learned what's behind that rule of his.

**_I thought I will forget about you, but then I saw you again and you still have the same lonely expression, like a waning moon in a starless sky. Every time I see you with those lonely eyes of yours, your light is decreasing gradually and I don't like it. I don't want to see you completely covered with misery because of your lies._ **

_**Back then, all I want is to erase the loneliness in your eyes but when I saw your wasted state, cursing that diapered-asshole for playing with your heart, I decided to take you away from whatever it is that is hurting you. That's why I took a gamble and make you exclusively mine without those labels. I made sure that you're mine. That's why I made a rule for you not to sleep with anyone else aside from me.** _

I smiled sadly when I realized that he is not only the jealous type but also so damn possessive.

**_Hey Kei... You probably didn't remember the first time we made love but I have it all in my memory. You were so beautiful while keep on asking me if I want to keep you and those sweet smiles you gave me every time I answered that I'll keep you. That's why I got mad when I saw you messaging with someone with the same smile like that night. I only want you to smile like that because of me. Coz Kei, I'm the one who loves to see you shining brightly even you're in a starless sky._ **

It's so painful. I regret even more that I lied to him. Hating myself even more because now, I don't know if he will wake up or if he does, will he still remember me?

_**Meeting you is probably the best thing that happened in my life.** _

_Me too so please wake up now._

**_Hey Kei... If I say I love you, I know you'll just run away. But I know words better than those three words that Yamaguchi said to you before._ **

**_After all four is greater than three..._ **

**_So Kei..._ **

**_Can I keep You?_ **

**_I want to hear your answer when I get back._ **

I cried for the first time after the accident. My tears keep on streaming down my face. And just right after reading his letter, an alarming sound came into the room where he is, alerting everyone.

Motoyo-san rushed to me when he saw me standing outside Kiyoomi-san's room watching the doctors and nurses to maintain his vitals but it's just getting worse.

"N-no! You can't leave!" I shouted and tried to enter the room but Motoyo-san grabbed my arm to stop me.

I keep on struggling so I could hold his hand. I've been letting him go when he's going away before but not now. Just this once, I'll stop him from going.

"Don't you want to hear my answer, you perverted germaphobe?!" I shouted when I finally escaped from Motoyo-san's grasp.

But just when I finally entered his room for the first time, All I heard from him is only a long flat piercing sound.

"I'm sorry." The doctor who tried to revive him said to me when I slowly got to his side but I ignore him.

"Tsuki..." Motoyo-san's called me with a cracked voice but I ignore him too.

"I know you can hear me." I said when I finally hold his hand.

"Tsuki... He's gone." Motoyo-san said with tears on his eyes too but I ignore him and sit down on Kiyoomi-san's bed.

With tears and snots mixed in my face, I kissed his lips, didn't even bothered that we're surrounded by people. Didn't even bothered about our gender.

"I won't lie or run away anymore, so just come back Kiyoomi." I murmured his name for the first time without honorifics, - his third rule.

"Time of death."

"You can keep me." I finally said. 

_Beep... Beep... Beep..._

That is his answer.


	14. Final

"Hey..." I smiled meekly when I entered Kiyoomi-san's room. He's watching volleyball like usual but when he saw me, he automatically switched off the TV and smiled at me sweetly.

"I miss you." I blushed on his sudden greeting and gently tug me closer to him for an embrace.

It's been three weeks since he woke up from coma after reviving a few minutes when he went flatline. It's a miracle that he came back to life but what's more surprising is that he woke up right after without any signs of memory loss.

They made a few test and miraculously, there's no sign that he's in danger anymore and he's recovering rather quick after what happened. Motoya-san teased me that it might be because of me that made him come back to life.

Remembering how he went flatline still give me nightmares at night from time to time that's why I keep on staying with him after my shift from work. I'm afraid that it might happen again and I'll lose him for real. My chest tightened at the thought of losing him making it hard for me to breathe properly.

I hug him back a bit tighter than his while trying to suppress my tears from falling but I failed. I couldn't erase in my head the sight of him when he was thrown off the ground and the sound of the monitor when he went flatline.

"Kei..." Kiyoomi-san pushed me away gently and had a worried look on his face when he saw me crying.

"Why are you crying?" He asked while wiping my tears but it just keep on falling so he embraced me once more.

I only got a little calmer when I heard his raging heart beat as if it's a proof that he's alive.

"I'm sorry." I finally said after weeks of not talking about what happened when we had a fight.

"For what?"

"For lying. You won't be here if I didn't lie in the first place." He pulled away and make me look at him.

"It's not your fault. It's my fault. I should have listened to you. I was just so blinded with jealousy. I'm sorry." He said with a guilt look on his face.

"I'm sorry Kei."

I looked at Kiyoomi-san.

"For what?"

He smiled sadly. "For making you cry after vowing that I won't."

I gently kissed him instead and pulled away before it gets out of hand. I looked straight to his eyes while holding his warm hands. 

"It's giving me nightmares. The sight of you laying on the ground with your blood flowing on your unmoving body. And when you went flatline after reading your letter, I feel like me too, my heart stopped beating." I confessed with tears in my eyes.

"I'm sorry."

"You should be. You scared me, you dummy! You haven't heard my reply yet and besides, I haven't heard what happened that night that I got wasted." I rant that made him smile a little.

He sighed. "To be honest, I think during that time, I'm really about to go. I don't know if it's just a dream but during those times that I'm sleeping, I was walking around in a pit darkness. When I finally saw the light and was about to follow it, that's when I heard you crying. You were calling my name asking me not to leave."

Kiyoomi-san looked at me fondly.

"If not because of your voice, your cry I wouldn't find my way back Kei. That's why I'm sorry for feeling this happy that I made you cry. I feel guilty but at the same time glad that you're crying because of me and not because of him. I'm happy that you're begging me to stay and not asking me to go. I'm happy that you didn't runaway alone this time."

Kiyoomi-san take my hand wearing the ring he gave and kissed it.

"I've been wanting to ask you this question when you're sober but I always chickened out coz I'm afraid that you'll run away." He said and looked at me affectionately.

"You can." I answered even before he could ask those words.

I laughed when he pouted in irritation. I guess he's still the same Kiyoomi that I know.

"Will you keep me even when I'm this fucked-up?" I was the one who first asked instead that erase all the irritation in his eyes.

Kiyoomi-san nods.

"I know this is fruitless. I know you don't like commitments. But even so, I want only you. So let's just set aside this label thingy and let me ask properly this time. Kei Tsukishima, Can I keep you?" He asked seriously while staring at each other's eyes.

"Until when?" I asked.

He smiled. "Until our last breath."

I answered him with a meek nod and he hugged me in return.

"Can I tell you something?"

Kiyoomi-san nods but didn't let me go and just keep me locked in his arms.

"I love you, Kiyoomi." I whispered that made his heart races with mine. I didn't let him go this time coz I love the feeling of his heartbeat with mine.

I heard him sniffles so I pulled away and tear up when I saw his crying face for the first time. Who would have thought that this guy will cry because of those three words?

"I love you too, Kei." He finally said in between sobs. "I just can't say it before because you might run away."

"If it's you, I won't. Or rather say I couldn't. I guess I've been yours since that night I got wasted." I admitted that made him smile again upon remembering the night I partially remembered.

"You remembered?" He asked in astonishment.

"Not all. Bits of it but not all. Care to tell me what happened that night?" He just smiled and whispered in my ear that made me red with embarrassment.

"Let's just reenact it once I'm fully recovered." I lightly punch his shoulder and laugh to our hearts content.

"I finally see the beautiful full moon." He murmured while gazing at me with his eyes beaming with happiness.

Kiyoomi-san embraced me tightly. "I finally have you, my beloved moon."

I smiled and hugged him back as I asked... 

"Can you keep me?"

"I'll keep you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be posting some side stories as well but it might take long since I have school now. Thanks for reading❤️🤘
> 
> Side stories includes what happened that wasted night 🙃 and also the POV of the character for my next AU ❤️


	15. Akaashi Side Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yow! Here's the promised side chapter lol. Sorry i got busy 🤧 My next AU will be them 👌

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y

"You finally looked happy." I said to Tsuki while we're watching Japan versus Argentina together with some of our friends.

His smile is truly beautiful and it's because finally he's free from all of his self-loathing. Although there are still moments that he wanted to run away but Sakusa-san is always by his side reassuring him that everything will be okay.

Tsuki looked at me and smiled sweetly before he looked back to the court where his beloved scores once more against Argentina.

"I am. Although I sometimes feel guilty that I take away from him his chance to live normally, to have a family." He answered and smiled a bit sad.

I tapped his back. "Don't be. For sure Sakusa-san thinks the same way you do. That he take your freedom to love normally. Besides, you two are already family right?" I teased that made him blush.

Only a few people knows that they got married or rather say that, Tsuki got adopted to Sakusa-san's family months after the latter got discharged from the hospital.

"How's married life?" I asked that made him redder.

"It's euphoric. When we're together, there's no dull moment. We rarely fight and it's mostly because of how clingy he is when it's just the two of us." He complained but sounded like he's bragging.

"Now Tsuki's bragging his married life. This is annoyingly new." I said that made us both laugh.

"But honestly, I didn't know that I'd be this happy even after all the bad things I did. Even though I already apologized to Kuroo-san and Kenma. A part of me thinks that I don't deserve this kind of happiness." He looked anxious but at the same time I can see how his eyes glistened whenever Kiyoomi-san scores and looked in our way.

"You've been sad for years, Tsuki so you deserve to be happy." I said that somehow relieved him.

I looked back at the court where Bokuto san is and felt lonely when I see how happy he is even without me beside him. Even our relationship is close to falling apart. He doesn't look like struggling at all while I'm on the verge of crying.

_Why would he feel like that when you're the reason why he got his heart broken before? It's because of your selfishness. And you're just paying the price._

I bit my lip so hard to suppress my tears after my mind mockingly said that. I know that it's my fault why he's been so cold to me lately.

_Can you just be thankful that I haven't left yet?_

I remembered his words the last time we fought. And to be honest, It's so painful hearing that from him even though I've already expected this kind of treatment after he learned what I did before.

Before he and I dated.

"Akaashi-san? Are you okay? The match has end. Do you want to meet them?" Tsuki asked that made me stopped biting my lips. I faked a smile and nods.

But when we're about to go to their bench, I saw a figure walking towards Bokuto-san. And my heartaches a lot when He hugged her tight in front of his team mates.

"A-Akaashi-san?" Tsuki sounds worried but since I'm expert in hiding my emotions, I smiled.

"It's fine Tsuki. It's nothing. I'll go to the rest room, you go to them first." I said and hurriedly went to the nearest comfort room.

I vomited bile when I entered one of the cubicle and cried silently remembering what I saw earlier.

She's back.

Yukie Shirofuku is back.

Bokuto-san's first love. 

And the only person he wanted to spend his life with.

"I already warned you before Akaashi that you will only suffer if you do that thing, but you didn't listen." I heard Konoha's voice outside the cubicle where I am.

"Shut up!" I hissed and walk out the cubicle glaring at him. "I don't regret anything I did. Besides I know that somewhere in his heart, I have a place."

Konoha laughed to my annoyance so I shoved him and walked to the faucet to wash my face.

"Do you think he will love the person who lied to him and ruined his relationship? Wake up Akaashi! Did you see how happy he is when he saw Yukie? That's the first time I saw him smile like that after all these years. I bet he never told you even just once that he loves you." He said that made me snapped.

"Shut the hell up!" I shouted angrily that startled the group of guys who entered the comfort room and I was shocked to see Bokuto-san and his team.

"Akaashi-san?" Shoyo looked worried but I put up a smile and congratulate him.

I couldn't look at Bokuto-san because I'm afraid to see the disgust and hatred on his face like that time when he learned about the sin I did together with Konoha.

I was about to go when Bokuto-san grabbed me by the hand and drag me outside the comfort room. He has a dangerous look on his face when he slammed me on the cold concrete.

"Are you planning something again against Yukie? I'm warning you Akaashi. I won't forgive you this time." He said in an angry voice that broke my heart into pieces.

"You really love her. Even now it's still her." I murmured the truth that I've been trying to deny my whole life with a blank expression on my face and pushed him away.

He didn't expect what I do next. I kneeled in front of him in both knees while holding his hands.

"I'm sorry. Don't worry I won't do anything. Just please Bokuto-san. Don't leave me." I begged and let the tears escaped my eyes.


	16. Side story 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The continuation from chapter 5

"Can I keep You?" I said that made him laugh heartily. I was mesmerised to the point that I didn't even blink to the whole duration of his genuine laugh.

"I'm sorry I can't help laughing." He said in between laughs. "It's making me cringe."

I glared at him but he just keeps on laughing that's making me feel anmoyed and amused at the same time. I just can't believe that I could see the waning moon become full moon again coz of those simple words.

"You're beautiful when you're laughing like this." I murmured that made him stop from laughing.

"I'm a guy you know? Don't call me beautiful." He hissed but this time it was my turn to laugh when I saw how red his face is.

He pushed me away and hide himself on the blanket that made me laugh even more. How lucky I am to see this cute side of him. I gently pull away the blanket that covers him but he hide his face with his hands.

"Hey, I'm sorry. Don't be mad." I softly whispered that made him slowly lowered his hands from hiding his blushing face.

"I'm not mad. It's just embarrassing to hear plus you're making my heartbeat go crazy." He drunkenly admit that is really making this unfamiliar feeling inside of me out of control.

A long comfortable silence come between us. We just gaze at each other's eyes. Listening to the sound of the buzzing cars outside. As if what's happening between us is normal.

I just gaze fondly on his beautiful face and as if my hand has a mind of its own, it was too late for me to hold back on caressing his face wet from tears from earlier. I softly wipe his tears while he just let me and even hold my hand and kissed my palm softly.

"You're so gentle." He murmured with his eyes closed, while holding my hand cupping his face. "If it's You, I don't think I'll have the strength to run away." He said with his eyes gazing at me and a smile plastered on his lips. 

"Can I kiss you?" I was ashamed to myself when those set of words came out of my mouth. I guess like him, I'm also not on my usual self because of the drink I had before fetching him.

"I haven't had my first kiss yet. It's a rule that I set to my fuck buddies. Coz I wanted to that sort of thing only with the person I love." Kei said with a sour smile on his lips. "But I couldn't because I runaway from the person I love. Besides, Isn't it ironic that I haven't had my first kiss yet I've been fucked by several men?"

My hear tighten not to the fact that he had fuck buddies but to the reason that there's a lot of men who took advantage of this fragile person. I bend a little forward to him to shorten our faces' distance. 

"Give it to me. Your first kiss." I whispered that made him blush once more. He tried to hid his lips with his hand but I remove it. "I don't give a damn even if you're fucked up. For me you're still beautiful." I said before claiming his lips gently. 

Kissing is something that grossed me out not until I felt his soft and small lips. We're both new to this kind of thing because there are times that we don't know which direction we will move our heads that is making us both laugh.

"You suck! I thought you're good at it since you're the one who wants to take my first kiss." Kei teased that somehow embarrassed me. 

"Shut up! It's my first time too!" He looked quiet amused and when I was about to sit properly, Kei didn't let me escape. He encircled his arms on my nape and give me pecks on the lips, teasing me to his heart's content.

"You shoud stop." I murmured in pain because I've been trying to hold myself back since that kiss we shared coz I know that he's still not sober. Kei stopped giving me pecks but the smile on his lips means trouble.

"Why?" He asked with a wide grin on his face. "We can do more than that." 

I sighed and looked at him with a serious look on my face. "I don't do it with just anyone. If we're going to do it... You'll have to bear the consequences." 

His face turned serious while looking at me. "Will you keep me even if I'm this fucked up?" He asked instead that totally melted my restraint.

"I'll keep you." I declared before claiming his lips once more but this time, I deepen it, wanting for more, letting the both of us get drunk in this exhilarating sensation.

My tongue seek for entrance that made a soft moan escaped his mouth when I teased his tongue with mine while my hands wanders to his body. I'm new to this kind of thing but while I'm holding him in my arms, whatever I do feels so natural.

He pushed me away to take off his clothes and I took my shirt off as well and just opened my zipper to let my bulging erection free from my suffocating pants.

Kei couldn't hide the lust in his eyes while looking at my body and I'm the same to him. I never felt this way before to other people. I only feel disgusts that's why I've never been in any relationship before. But seeing his naked body turns me on so much that I feel like I'll cum right away when I put it in.

We kissed once again, more wanting this time. His moans every time I suck his nipples sounds like music to my ears. I love how his body archs when I trace down his body with my lips while leaving small bites, marking him.

Yeah. Marking him. He's mine now. The moment he lets me have my way on him, I already have him. I can keep him.

Kei's moan gets louder when I starts sucking him off making him feel delirious because of the pleasure that I'm giving him. I raised my head to look at him while giving him heads and couldn't help but to feel proud when I see how messed up he is due to the sensation.

"S-stop hnnngh... I-I'm cum-haaa!"

Kei looked embarrassed after he cum but I didn't stop there. I positioned myself on top of him and kissed him once more while loosening him.

"Hmmm...just put it in." He said in between kisses. He just released but I can still feel his hardness on my abdomen.

"I need to prepare you fir-"

I couldn't even finished what I'm saying when he pushed me on the bed and ride on top of me. He looked so hot when slowly put my hardness inside him.

I groaned in pleasure when Kei starts riding me slowly. It feels good inside him, so much that I couldn't help but to thrust my hips, moving along with his pace while holding his waist to support him.

"It's...too deep... Haa... Hmmnn..." He said while trying to supress his moans by biting his lips.

The sight of him is too much for me and I could feel that I'm about to cum too so I changed our position and rammed inside him roughly that made him cry in pleasure.

I kiss, lick and bite every part of his body as I keep thrusting inside him making him cry in pain and pleasure.

And when I'm about to cum, he asked.

"Will you keep me, Kiyoomi?"

Kei's eyes widen when he felt me cumming inside him right after he called my name, making me blush because of it.

I bite his shoulders in embarrassment while he laughed heartily.

"Of course I'll keep you. I won't let you run away." I answered seriously that made him stop laughing.

"Why?" He asked.

I smiled. "I love seeing the full moon shining brightly even in a starless sky."

He smiled sweetly and pulled me closer for a kiss. He gasped in between kisses when he felt my erection growing inside him once more but didn't stop either and just let me make love with him the whole night.

It was dawn when he finally passed out. After cleaning him up and taking a shower, I left a note on the bedside table just in case he couldn't remember everything.

I planted a soft kiss on his lips before I left and whispered the words that I know I wouldn't have a chance to tell him once I make my move to keep him for myself.

"Hey, Kei... The pain gave you that diapered-asshole, I'll erase it. And when the time is right, let me cherish your heart."


End file.
